BE REAL: From Amazing Teens to Stalwart Adult
Class by Amy Biancardi
“Being a father or a mother is not only a great challenge, it is a divine calling.” - James E Faust
Being parents is “the greatest trust that has been given to human beings.” - David O McKay
“Our success as a society, depends not on what happens in the White House but on what happens inside your house.” - Barbara Bush
I surveyed 100 Lake Oswego Stake high school seminary students. Here are their responses.
Name 2 things your parents do that help you feel more united with them.
TOP 10 RESPONSES
Family Activities - 25%
Family dinner. Play games. Vacations. Shopping. Gospel Discussions. Doing anything together. Quality time
Talk to me – 16%
Ask about my day. Solve problems together. Make sure I’m ok when I’m down
“Love is listening when they are ready to talk – midnight, 6 am, on their way to seminary, or when you’re busy with your urgencies” - Sharon G. Larson, Counselor, YW
“There is a great deal of wisdom displayed when parents stay up and wait for their children to return home. Young men and women make far better choices when they know their parents are waiting up to hear about their evening and to kiss them goodnight.” - Larry Lawrence – Quorum of 70
Support me – 13%
Come to my events. Help me with everything I do. See my potential and help me become that. Want me to try new things, even if I don’t want to.
The Basic 3 – 8%
Family Prayer, Family Scripture Study, Family Home Evening. Most listed one or two of these activities.
“Consider five fundamental practices that have the power to fortify our youth: family prayer, family scripture study, family home evening, family dinner together and regular one-on-one interviews with each child”. . . “Try to imagine what the rising generation could become if these five righteous patterns were practiced consistently in every home. Our young people could be like Helaman’s army: invincible.” - Larry Lawrence
One on One time – 6%
Takes me out alone. A date with each parent. Invested time when driving me to seminary.
“Parenting is not a popularity contest. Sometimes we are afraid of our children – afraid to counsel with them for fear of offending them.”
Trust Me – 5%
Let me make my own choices and hold me accountable. Give me freedom to argue a point. Let me choose and then support my good choices.
Become interested in my interests – 4%
Spend time doing things we both enjoy. Show interest in the things I do. Talk to me about what I like.
Listen to me – 4%
Listen to me about my worries. When I’m upset, I know I can share my problems
Oh how wonderful when our kids to want to talk to us! DEAL! Drop Everything And Listen!
Kind to me – 3%
Kind when I’m grumpy. Comforts me. Notes in my lunch. My mom serves me.
Take care of me – 3%
They give so much for me. Cook my meals. My dad gets up early to make my lunch
Other notable responses:
Good examples of true followers of Christ. They love me unconditionally. They teach me what I need to know. They say I love you. Hugs. Sense of humor. Priesthood blessings. They’re cool – when things happen, they don’t overreact.
“If we are going to lead in righteousness, there can’t be any question where we stand. Small uncertainties on our part can produce large uncertainties in our youth” - Sharon G. Larson
Name 2 things your parents do that damage your relationship with them.
TOP 10 RESPONSES
Angry with me – 9%
Use harsh or hurtful words in moment of weakness. Short temper. Get mad at something dumb. Get angry when I make a mistake. When they yell they don’t listen to my opinion. Fight with me on things that don’t matter. When they’re angry – they don’t make good choices.
Argue/fight with each other – 8%
They don’t get along with each other. Arguing with each other or the other children. Their fighting brings me down. Unnecessary conflicts. Dad bugs mom when she’s already irritated.
“It’s so important for husbands and wives to be united when making parenting decisions. If either parent doesn’t feel good about something, then permission should not be granted. If either feels uncomfortable about a movie, a television show, a video game, a party, a dress, a swimsuit or an internet activity, have the courage to support each other and say no.” - Larry R. Lawrence
Too restrictive – 7%
Take away previously rewarded privileges. Make unreasonable decisions for me. Don’t let me do as much as I’d like. Ground me. Punish me for no reason. Restrict my independence–I’m 18!
Tells me what to do – 5%
Don’t let us problem solve on our own. Micromanage. Tell me to do something when I’m busy doing something else.
Criticize me – 4.5%
Focus on the bad instead of the good with me. Comment negatively on body image. Make fun of certain things. Criticize my weight, appearance, grades.
Don’t Trust Me – 4%
Don’t trust me with difficult situations. Don’t think I can get things done/figured out – like with my homework. They take my phone and read my texts.
Too Many Questions – 4%
Annoying questions. They want to talk about EVERYTHING. Some stuff I don’t want to share. Questions right when I walk through the door.
No time with me – 3%
Too busy with work. Business trips. Dad is never home – works a lot. Mom is busy with other kids. No time for one on one time. No time to do the things I want to do.
Jump to conclusions – 3%
Assuming things aren’t true without asking my side of the story. They blame me. They don’t explain when they’re upset with me
Don’t listen to me - 3%
They’re stubborn. Don’t listen cuz always busy with phone or TV.
Other notable responses:
Annoy me – invade my space. Pointless chores. Don’t see when I’m sad. Just won’t let go of previous grudges. Contradict themselves. Use sarcastic remarks. They’re late a lot. Nag me about homework, about chores. Impatient. No family prayer. No FHE. No scripture study. When they’re stressed. Less than Christlike tone affects the whole household. I can’t think of anything - the best parents anyone could ask for.
“When broken hearted parents pray for help, the help often comes in the form of angel aunts or uncles, grandmas or grandpas, good friends, and leaders surrounding our loved one. They can reinforce our very message that may put our child on the track we’ve been praying for.” - Sharon Larson
The teaching, rearing, and training of children requires more intelligence, intuitive understanding, humility, strength, wisdom, spirituality, perseverance, and hard work than any other challenge we might have in life.” - James E Faust
“There is no greater joy. It is worth every sacrifice, every inconvenient minute, every ounce of patience, personal disciple, and endurance.” - Sharon Larson